The Clouds Are Parting for the Sunshine

September 17, 2014

My blogging has started off on anything but a happy start. I am hoping it will take a pleasant turn.

Last evening, a sweet friend decided I needed a cheerful time, she invited me out to dinner, anywhere I wanted to go. I chose my favorite Mexican restaurant, El Molcajete, I always order from the vegetarian section and get the same thing every time I go. It has spinach and cheese and I choose refried beans instead of rice. And, for dessert, had the most delicious fried ice cream with toppings in a tortilla bowl. I was so full walking out of there but, it was oh so good.

Her company is always uplifting, she is a wonderful sister in Christ. I was telling her that I don’t have many close friends (she is one of them), but the ones I do have are always there for me, as I am for them, and they always keep me on track. Everybody needs friends like that.

We talked about what the Lord may have in store for us whether it is something we want or not. Where ever He takes us, we will be happy there. I am hoping He is taking me back to Florida, but if not, as Paul said, I will be content where I am.

One of my sweet little pups gave me a real scare about an hour ago - I think she tried to swallow too much saltines at one time and it got stuck in her throat. I thought for sure I had lost her, but she slowly started coming around. No more saltines as treats for them. I never want to lose my babies, I know I will, but two days after Mom’s passing is too soon for me. But, all’s well.

I believe the rain has passed for a while, hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to cut the grass in the front yard. And, I can work on step two of a fireplace project I am working on. I’ll have pictures once I’m finished. Sorry to keep you waiting.

I hope you have a blessed time until we get together again.

As I am journeying through a new phase in my life, I hope you enjoy tagging along.

Retirement is all I had hoped it would be and even more.

If you are not retired, please feel free to pretend and journey along with me.

Blessings,

Kathryn

Saying Goodbye

September 16, 2014

Yesterday, 9/15/2014, Mom passed away at 4 00 am. My sister called me, asking that I come to the Hospice House.

I had released Mom to the Lord, I was not going to hold on to her and hold her back while in agony. She was basically alert most of the week she was in the Hospice House and am sure she did not want to stay here as long as she was in the helpless state she was in in the bed. Many times, death is welcomed.

There will be no services, no memorials, nothing. We will take Mom’s ashes down to the lake to let the wind carry them across the water. She wanted to be in FL very much. My sister had hoped we could all do down there and let them drift across the ocean, but since some of us will not be able to, she felt the next best thing would be the lake, even though Mom did not like it there at all. But, she is no longer here on earth, so it really does not matter.

The four of us (siblings) left to each go our separate ways to our homes except one brother and he went on to work. My siblings are all married with families to comfort them. I took my sister home to her husband, then went to the peace and comfort of my own home, to my three precious little dogs and sweet cat. They are such a sweet, sweet comfort to me, so special. I can cry my heart out and they patiently wait for me to finish, no rush.

Friends called, came by, such dear friends, I am so blessed. I am able to cry with them, vent, question and laugh with them. We all need people in our lives like that, people who understand us and will not condemn us or put us down when we explain we want to live by God‘s ways. Sometimes, I don’t understand things, just don’t understand why; but, I can be sure they will explain in a Godly way why; and, then how to react.

My sister called me last night a little after 8 00 pm inviting me to eat with them and stay the night. I had already eaten, was so exhausted, said I was heading to bed shortly. I asked if her daughter and son-n-love were there, she said yes, so, I told her I was glad she wasn’t alone. She said she did not want me to be alone, either. I was too tired to feel alone. Laid down on the sofa to watch television and fell asleep, woke up a little after 12 00 and went to bed, slept all night. I was exhausted.

I think we are having a cook out at one brother’s home, the other brother has a son visiting from TX and will be leaving Saturday. I don’t know the details of the get together, yet.

Well, I am now “mommy-less”, no more Ci-Ci’s Pizza dinners, she loved going there. I think I knew the last time we went, that would be the last time. We went to Hobby Lobby after and she bought a sheet of stain glass, it was interesting watching how she picked it out, looking on both sides.

I really, really want to move back to the Gulf Coast of Florida, now I can do that without feeling any guilt of leaving her behind, oh how shed loved it there.

She called me once, asking if I ever thought of just getting in the car, start driving and not stopping until I got there. Told her “all the time, but have no money for it”. She was feeling very insecure about where she was, it was so had watching and hearing that and at the same time not giving my sister “all” the details of Mom’s fears. Really felt in the middle and helpless.

Now, we will go through all this again with one brother’s Stage 4 lung cancer, same thing Mom died of. He thinks he has about 12 - 18 months left, I don’t think so. It won’t be as difficult, he has really kept his distance relationship-wise from the rest of us. We shall see how this goes, hopefully, not painful. I do love him and will miss him.

My family is shrinking to fast!

Emotions!

September 11, 2014

Good Thursday morning, everybody.

I know this is a solemn day, remembering the tragedy that occurred 13 years ago from today. We must pray for the families who are visiting the grave sites of their lost loved ones as well as the families who have not been able to bring closure due to their family member’s body never being found. I cannot imagine the pain they are feeling.

As an update to my mother’s health, Monday night, she was taken to a Hospice house in Anderson, SC where they have tried to manage her pain with morphine and Tylenol and Ibuprofen. I don’t understand why, but one of my brothers told them not to administer the latter two to her. My sister went along with it.

Anyway, my sister said this morning, Mom has not had any morphine since 8 30 last night, is pain free, is awake and talking! That is wonderful news! It may mean that she will be going home and having home hospice service, I’ll be talking to my sister about that later when I go down there.

I always thought I would never be involved in any form of hard feelings when a loved one, especially a parent, is dying. I guess I just never realized how vulnerable and raw are feelings are in those times. And, the issue I’m having is such a tiny thing! Well, I took it to the Lord, He reminded me that battles are not ours, but His. So, I need to not pick it up and carry it around with me, let Him handle it. A dear friend told me of a technique she read in a book she is reading- breathe in Jesus, breathe out the anger; breathe in His love, breathe out the hurt. Just continue doing this. I jokingly told her that I hoped I did not hyperventilate!

This will be short this morning, a good friend is going to the hospice house with me and she will be here soon.

Love to you all, and,

　

Blessings,

Kathryn

What's Your Choice - Pay Now or Pay Later?

September 7, 2014

Saturday, I went bicycling with a great friend. There is a bicycle shop in town catering to women, Pedal Chic. Each Saturday morning, they have two groups to ride, I join the easy group that travels along the “Swamp Rabbit Trail”, you can Google it and see what a fabulous “rails to trails” route it is.

Anyhow, my friend, Janie, and I met the “trail” group to ride to Furman College and back. I told them Janie and I would be leaving the group to continue on further. Another lady opted to continue on with us. We rode to the lake at the college, around the lake then back. We stopped at the Swamp Rabbit Café and Grocery. This is a fabulous little place and a great stopping off for a break (you can google this establishment, too).

Anyhow, Janie, our new friend, Carolyn, and I continued biking along the trail beyond Cleveland Park to Pleasantburg Street (way too many steep hills to tackle after already a lengthy ride!). It was a HARD but fun 22 miles, looking forward to riding again.

All this to say, at 66, almost 67 years, with all I’m going through with my mother and brother both diagnosed with lung cancer and my father passing away in his late 30‘s with a massive coronary, I am researching how to live a healthier lifestyle in my retired years. A month ago, I had my annual health check-up. I expressed concern over a spot on my esophagus that turned out to be due to a prescription drug I am taking for osteoporosis. My doctor called for a procedure with a tube to be sure this was not a life-threatening situation (it was just an inflammation). I have also, with my doctor’s approval, discontinued that medication. Now I am taking a prescription for that inflammation and will eventually wean myself off that. Therefore, I have researched information on foods with calcium that vegans can rely on. Did you know two table spoons of blackstrap molasses has 400 mg of calcium and women over 51 need 1,200 mg? Me neither! Exercise, bike riding, and healthy eating are my new prescriptions.

On another note, my baby brother, Bill, had to go to the ER Friday night for chest pain. If you remember, the week before, my mother went to the ER for chest pain and was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. Bill, who also was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer a month ago, was in the same room in the ER as Mom and was attended to by the same doctor. When Mom was there, we told the doctor, after he gave us the devastating news, that we had a brother with the same diagnosis. Bill told the doctor that he was the brother we mentioned. Both have strong hearts, the pain they are experiencing is from the tumors growing.

Mom is further along with this disease, my sister feels she will be with us only another two weeks, at most. Tomorrow, we have an appointment with her doctor to discuss her prognosis.

This is very difficult, but, I have released her to the Lord, His will is my will. The beginning of my retirement is quite difficult, but I know my Lord and Savior is hold me up at the times I am not able to stand. I hope you know this man named Jesus, He will be there for you and beside you at all times, even when you don’t feel Him. It feels so good to be in church whenever possible.

　

　

Blessings,

Kathryn

September 2, 2014

I had mentioned in a previous blog that my younger brother (9 yrs younger than I) was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer; Saturday, our 89 year old mother was diagnosed with the same disease!

She lives with my sister and brother-in-love, they were at their lake property one hour’s drive away. My niece was with our mother. She called me to say Mom was complaining of chest pain; I asked if she needed to go to the emergency room, she said yes, I told her I would meet them there at the hospital which is only about one quarter mile from my home.

After Xray and scan, they diagnosed her with lung cancer with a tumor in her right lung the size of a baseball, some of the lymph nodes were larger than normal. It had to have been there quite a while and growing. Mom’s memory is fading, The cancer is probably causing her back pain and I feel the cancer has traveled to her brain. The next day, she did not remember being in the ER nor leaving at 1:30 in the morning to go home.

We feel Mom will go before our brother, but will probably lose them both within six to eight months. I think, if my brother’s tumor does not shrink after the next treatment, he will no longer take them and let the cancer take its course.

This is a tough blow to this family of a mother, two daughters and two sons. Each of us is dealing with this in our own way. I can’t imagine how my brother is dealing with this, taking into consideration his own cancer and now Mom’s.

 

We have been blessed in that the five of us have not had to deal with a death of a close loved one since our father passed away in the early 50’s. Our stepfather passed in the early 90’s, but we really were not close to him. Now, we are dealing with two at one time.

I was talking with my Pastor’s wife and great friend, Debbie. I told her I didn’t know if I was just numb or if I was experiencing the Peace of God. Every morning, I read Psalm 91 in my Old King James Bible and just disect every word and its meaning. I want to know every thing about Him and His love for me. Debbie said I was experiencing the Peace of God. I just do not know how anyone can get through something like this or any other tragedy without Him. If I had to depend on me, I would have already fallen into so many pieces, lost my mind, and be absolutely no good to anyone in the family. God is MY refuge, MY shelter, and MY fortress. I need Him so much and so glad I have Him to see me through this, to pick me up and hold me in His strong arms, and carry me as long as I need Him, He never tires nor grows weary.

He is all I need.

As I am journeying through a new phase in my life, I hope you are enjoying tagging along. Retirement is all I had hoped it would be and even more.

If you are not retired, please feel free to pretend and journey with me.

Blessings,

Kathryn

　

　

Hendersonville, NC Apple Festival

Friday, a wonderful friend of mine and biking partner, Mikie, and I went to Hendersonville, NC for their annual Apple Festival and saw all things apples.

The drive up there, which is only about 45 minutes was fabulous, we had a great trip. Hendersonville, NC is a short distance south of Asheville, NC and we are planning to drive up there, probably in October, to see the beauty of the changing leaves.

To get to Historic Hendersonville, we drove through Flat Rock, NC. Many know of this quaint village through Carl Sandburg, the famous poet. I’ve been to Mr. Sandburg’s home and, to say it’s beautiful and peaceful, is an understatement. But it is. Mrs. Sandburg raised goats on the premises, some quite exotic. Roaming around the farm is free and pet friendly, and for a small price, may go on a tour of the house. Looking forward to doing that again.

First thing we did upon arriving at the festival was to eat a sweet “festival” food (I had a very messy funnel cake w/powdered sugar; Mikie had an apple benet). I do believe the festival gets larger and larger every year. I believe my favorite vendor was a man who made beautifully huge birdhouses and sold all for just a mere $25.00. Note to Self: Take pictures from now on! I have misplaced my battery charger and card to my camera, am so sick. So much easier to download pictures from a camera than from the smart phone.

Each year, Hendersonville has these bear statues that various businesses (I think) decorate and will be auctioned off in October. See our “bearfootin’” bears, as Mikie called it?

This is a picture of me with a “Momma Bear holding her Baby”. I appear to be modeling my purse instead of snuggling up to the bears. I was not pleased how my curly hair turned out for this event, but, when it’s natural, sometimes we have no choice in the matter.




Mikie and I had delicious lunches at an Irish Pub, I’m half Irish and thought that would be a great choice. She had fish and chips and I ordered a corn beef sandwich with baked chips, which I really didn’t like, they were kinda hard to eat. I ate half of my sandwich and took the other half home.



We looked around in a couple antique shops and an amazing thrift store. Mikie bought a beautiful large glass purple plate for $4.00 to use as a bird bath; I bought one of those old slag hanging lights for a mere $10.00, very happy with my purchase. Did I ever mention that I have a light/lamp fetish? I try not to let people know when I purchase another one as I will always hear “Where are you going to put that one?”



On our way back home, we stopped at the Wrinkled Egg, a unique shop/café in Flat Rock. Mikie found a coral-colored pair of slacks, half-price, to replace a pair that became ruined in the wash. She was one happy shopper.



It was a beautiful day for festivaling in an historic community. We will need to return to spend more time checking out the sights while no events are happening.



　

As I am journeying through a new phase in my life, I hope you are enjoying tagging along. Retirement is all I had hoped it would be and even more.

If you are not retired, please feel free to pretend and journey with me.

Blessings,

Kathryn